This baby was a total surprise... sort of.
In the spring of 2014, we decided it was time to start trying to have a baby, and we were so excited! Then, we started looking at the calendar and decided that we should wait a few more months to plan around possible internships, etc. Well... Heavenly Father had another plan for us.
We were at the grocery store in early July, and Matt told me to get a pregnancy test because “you never know,” even though we were both pretty sure that this one would be negative, just like the others I had taken in the last few months once I stopped taking birth control. I consented, though fully convinced it was a waste of money because we had been careful, bla bla sparing you the details here.
When we got home from the store, Matt handed the test to me as he was unloading the groceries with the instructions to “go do this thing!” I sat down and the toilet and proceeded to relieve my waters (which weren’t very much at the time, I have to add). I looked down and stared in shock as a faint blue line appeared in the first circle indicating a positive test. Bulging eyes, gaping mouth, yeah, the whole thing. Immediately, I hopped off the toilet, grabbed a cup, and began downing as much water as I could thinking this must be a fluke because I didn’t pee enough. More pee, no change.
I placed the test in the garbage and walked out of the bathroom trying to be as nonchalant as any person just realizing that they are pregnant possibly could be. Matt asked me how it went and I said, “negative” like I had the other few times in the past months that I had checked.. You see, Matt was dead set that I would never be able to surprise him about getting pregnant because I fail at pretty much every attempted surprise. I'm a terrible actress and just can't stand to wait, but I had made up my mind that if there was ever one surprise that I had to get him with, this had to be it! And it had to be good, so began the brainstorming...
The next day was a Tuesday. I woke up, thought about being pregnant. I took a shower, stared at my stomach the whole time, and thought about being pregnant. Ate breakfast, thought about being pregnant. You get the idea... I could think of nothing else. When I got to work, all of the feelings overwhelmed me at once, so I ran to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and cried.
"I’m not ready to be a mom! I’m not old enough. The house isn’t ever clean enough. I’m not mature enough. I don’t cook well enough. I’m not spiritual enough" were the thoughts going through my head. More tears. I just didn’t feel at all prepared for this... but then again, isn’t this what I’ve been preparing for my whole life? Too many emotions. I had to pull myself together. I wanted to tell someone, anyone! Just shout it out in the bathroom so I could let someone else know. Then, all at once, a feeling of love came over me as I realized that someone else did know, someone who made this all possible. Heavenly Father knew. He knew that, despite all of my fears of inadequacy, I was enough and that although I didn’t feel ready for this responsibility, He assured me that I could do it. And with that reassurance, all of my fears faded away. I finished the work day with a feeling of peace that slowly turned into excitement. I was going to be a mom! A mom! Me! I had a human starting to grow inside me! Cool!
On Wednesday I stopped by the store on the way home and picked up another pregnancy test. I had to be completely sure that this was all real. This time I was prepared. I drank three full glasses of water and then entered the bathroom. Within seconds, the test was another positive. I decided right then and there that there was no possible way that I could wait until Saturday, our one and a half year anniversary, to tell Matt our news. I had to tell him tonight! But wait, how was I going to do it? Remember, the surprise had to be perfect! I’ll admit, I spent a little bit of time on Pinterest looking up creative ways, but they all seemed kind of corny to me, and I hate corny. I also spent some time looking through pregnancy apps on my phone. They had all kinds of baby tracking helps and a hundred other baby related things. I finally found one that I liked, downloaded it, and found out that our baby was currently four weeks old and about the size of a poppy seed. And there was my idea.
When Matt came home that night, I told him that I had a gift for him for our year and a half anniversary, but that I was too excited to wait until the weekend to give it to him--totally believable with my track record. Matt, of course, was totally fine with getting it right then and there! So, as he sat there at the kitchen table with his eyes closed and hands outstretched, eager to receive the gift, I opened the cupboard and poured out one teeny, tiny black poppy seed and placed in on his palm. When I said, “Open your eyes!” he looked down and his face said it all.
Matt: “I don’t get it...”
Me: “It’s a poppy seed!” More bewilderment... “That’s how big our baby is!!!!!!”
And the surprise was perfect. Brush my shoulder off. Matt responded with, “WHAT?!” and the biggest smile! I started to tear up--happy tears this time, and Matt grabbed me in the biggest hug. We were having a baby and we couldn’t have been more happy!
On Wednesday I stopped by the store on the way home and picked up another pregnancy test. I had to be completely sure that this was all real. This time I was prepared. I drank three full glasses of water and then entered the bathroom. Within seconds, the test was another positive. I decided right then and there that there was no possible way that I could wait until Saturday, our one and a half year anniversary, to tell Matt our news. I had to tell him tonight! But wait, how was I going to do it? Remember, the surprise had to be perfect! I’ll admit, I spent a little bit of time on Pinterest looking up creative ways, but they all seemed kind of corny to me, and I hate corny. I also spent some time looking through pregnancy apps on my phone. They had all kinds of baby tracking helps and a hundred other baby related things. I finally found one that I liked, downloaded it, and found out that our baby was currently four weeks old and about the size of a poppy seed. And there was my idea.
When Matt came home that night, I told him that I had a gift for him for our year and a half anniversary, but that I was too excited to wait until the weekend to give it to him--totally believable with my track record. Matt, of course, was totally fine with getting it right then and there! So, as he sat there at the kitchen table with his eyes closed and hands outstretched, eager to receive the gift, I opened the cupboard and poured out one teeny, tiny black poppy seed and placed in on his palm. When I said, “Open your eyes!” he looked down and his face said it all.
Matt: “I don’t get it...”
Me: “It’s a poppy seed!” More bewilderment... “That’s how big our baby is!!!!!!”
And the surprise was perfect. Brush my shoulder off. Matt responded with, “WHAT?!” and the biggest smile! I started to tear up--happy tears this time, and Matt grabbed me in the biggest hug. We were having a baby and we couldn’t have been more happy!
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